Well, a lot of new experiences Tuesday.

Went out to lake Washington kayaking with Don, a co-worker, and awesome paddler, most of his experience runs with sea kayaks. We went out with the intention of learning to roll, or the beginnings of it, & to play kayak polo at WAC on Lake Washington.

Learned my hip-snap (kayak jargon), eskimo rescue, and -almost-got a roll in. We were practicing the eskimo rescue-which involves bumping your boat perpendicular to the upside-down person so upside-down person can grab the bow & use it to pull themselves up. What does Sarah do...goes to pull herself up with her arm reaching behind her & to the side. Stupid bitch...you never do that, you'll dislocate your shoulder...oh, crap.

My shoulder doesn't work, so I can't pull myself up, & I'm upside-down under water. swimming didn't occur to me, third time was a charm holding his bow with my off hand & one hell of a hip snap. Don hands me my paddle, my arm isn't working, & paddling with one arm, ...round & round I go. I wait a few moments, arm still isn't working. Don bulldozes me to the boat launch & helps me out. "I'll fix it, I just need to lie down for a bit, go play."
"You are NOT lying down, trust me." I was on the brink of shock, it didn't hurt for a good ten minutes, then the pain started getting worse. By leaps & bounds. I can count on one hand how many times I've been in that much pain.

After going back & forth, Don asking people if they knew how to relocate a shoulder(negative). We head to the hospital, though I argued weakly the whole way. The only thing that was remotely helping the pain was to keep it parallel to my collarbone with my elbow at the same level as my shoulder. Wish I'd got to that sooner.

I shuffle into ER, head down, they take blood pressure & vitals with me trying to elevate my arm on the chair arm-this means leaning forward & keeping my head down. Go to put me in a wheelchair: "I can WALK, I just don't want to move my arm."
"SIT" OK, Don.

To the desk-and it's a damn good thing it wasn't a life-threatening injury or I'd have bled out before they could even finish the paperwork. "NO, I do NOT have any previous medical records or allergies!"
"What's your religion?" Upon hearing this question I had a vision of a catholic preist giving me last rites with the swinging incense thing & the whole 9 yards-YUCK!
"Just put 'Pagan'." I must've said it pretty loud because Don thought I was just mad & trying to mess with them. Why the hell do they ask which state I was born in? "Naked & wet" being the appropriate answer, but "Washington" was more along the lines of what she wanted to hear.

Don takes off to re-park the truck somewhere in Northern Tibet, & I get wheeled down to radiology where they leave me in a whimpering lump of seething pain in the hallway, about 6 inches from a railing that would give me a little relief. I tried to scoot, no workie. Whimper.

Radiology tech comes out & wheels me in to get X-rayed. "I need you to stand up & put your shoulder againt that wall."
"Aw, no, fuck you."
"I'll be quick, I promise"
I stand up, moaning, my vision blurred. Put my arm against the wall, dude is trying to position me gently. He takes a picture, I crouch down next to a leg holder or something & elevate my arm-ahh.
"Is that your most comfortable position?"
"Ooooh, yeah"
"Just two more"
"Fuck"
"I just need you to put your back to the wall, I'll do it as fast as I can."
I stand up again. Moaning, cursing & whimpering. "Hurry the fuck up, damnit!"
"I'm going as fast as I can, I promise!" Really sweet guy did not deserve the bad side of Sarmonster-I sent his boss an e-mail this morning along those lines.
I immidiately retreat back to the leg holder. crouch down, re-elevate my arm, slightly behind me, & sloooowly straighten it-basically into the same position it was in upon being dislocated.

I didn't feel it pop back into place, but the difference was like falling off of a flaming rack lined with alcohol-covered razor blades & into a swimming pool. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." I straighten up, & look him in the eyes for the first time, & say in a fairly normal voice (in retrospect the one I'd been usuing previously was probably straight out of the Excorsist by comaprison)"That feels MUCH better."
Dude looked like a deer in the headlights-I wish I'd had a picture of that. "D-did it pop back in?"
I move my arm, Aaaaah! "Feels like it."
"REALLY?! Oh, WOW. Can I get more pictures?" He takes a step back.
"Sure." Two more pictures, no problem. I'm dizzy. I sit back down in the chair & slouch down, this time from relief & exhaustion. "What's your name again?"
"Nathan. Why, are you going to write me up?"
"Hahaha. I'm sitting here like Steven Hawking in the middle of a hospital wearing a wetsuit, I don't have much credibility."
Weak laugh. "well, that's great, we'll have the shoulder guy check you out."
"The Shoulder Guy...You have a Shoulder Guy?"
"We have a guy for everything."
"I feel sorry for the butt guy"
Another weak laugh.
I wait another 10 minutes in the hall. Someone eventually shows up, wheels me into a high-traffic hallway & leaves me there. "We don't have a room for you."
"OK, I'll be going."
"The doctor will be with you in a moment"
"WHAT?"

Don finds me. Good, I can put an escape plan into motion.

"Hi I'm ___________ I'm a 4th year student doctor." Oh GOODY. The guy was maybe 5'4" & looked a little nervous. "Were you in the water when this happened?"
"No, I dress like this all the time, I'm a superhero."
Don: "She's kidding"
S.D. "Oh, haha. So you dislocated your shoulder?"
"Yeah, but it's fine now, I popped it back in."
"Let me test it." He pokes me with a broken popsicle stick from the fingers on up. It tickles, I start laughing "What are you DOING?"
"Checking for nerve damage. So you got X-rays?"
"Yep, before & after."
His eyes get wide. "REALLY?"
"Yeah, you'll have fun with those."
"Oh, YEAH." He leaves to go look at X-rays. I remove the wetsuit & put real clothes on, peek nonchalantly in the drawers. "no towels to steal" We check out the purple nitrile gloves, inflate a couple, talk about work.

Don & I sit for a few more minutes, he comes back with The Shoulder Guy. We talk about whitewater kayaking-Shoulder Guy took a class once. He pokes around a little, tells S.D. other things to check for-tricep & bicep nerve damage, feels around the joint, then leaves.

We wait.

S.D. comes back with paperwork, "Do you want anything for the pain?"
"A ...Margarita?"
"ummm...we don't have those."
"Well WHAT kind of place is this?!"
He stares.
"No, I'd rather know how it's doing."
Don: "What, no drugs?! Hardhead."
S.D. "We'll get you a sling & you can go." He leaves.

Next time I injure myself I'm checking into a hotel: There's MUCH better service & it's cheaper.

We wait another five minutes. "Let's get out of here."
Don's eyes light up mischeviously..."OK."

We stop for a beer & he takes me back to my car. I apologized about 100 times for him missing his game. Feel REALLY bad about that.

Call to paddling buddy: "You're going to be mad at me."
*sigh* "NOW what've you gone & done?"
That struck me funny. "ummm...."
"...NEVER do that. That's important, Rule number one."
"Yeah, got that. Some people learn the hard way."

I think my punishment from him was this AWFUL rolling video I just sat through. Aaaargh! I wanted to claw my ears off & hide under the couch, that & no paddling for who knows how long.

I Went to E.R. and all I got were these lousy pictures